Wednesday, 3 June 2015

WEEK 13 - A new kind of maternity fashion? Or In denial?

So, I'm hardly two yards over the start line and already my beloved wardrobe is fast becoming redundant. A no-go area. Waste land! 
When I open the doors and sift through my once cherished but now almost useless clobber, desperately looking for something to wear, I find myself trying to be 'creative'. 

It's a sad, sad sight when those Argos pine doors creak open. The lines of half-ironed clothes look like the unwanted sale rack at Primarni. I feel like they are staring back at me with their two fingers up laughing right in my bloated face. They look disgruntled as if they are thinking:- where was our say in this? You never asked us if it was ok to get knocked up, so don't come crying to us when WE DON'T FIT YOU ANYMORE!!! 
Perhaps they aren't really thinking that?! It will be just my imagination I'm sure. As if clothes would think like that. Im sure they are thinking nice things...??? 

Like some wannabe fashion designer I am trying to think outside the box! Do my jean buttons really need to meet? A belt with a huge buckle would look cool and bridge the gap? Or maybe even a scarf around my midriff, or even a massive clock hanging from my neck? - why not? Flavour Flav can get away with it so why not me? Then I have to remind myself that I am not a superstar rapper. 

Can you imagine?

I went to meet my friend last weekend for a COFFEE!!!!! Thinking about it, that could have been the first time we have ever had such civilised drinks together? We actually got know each other all over again!  
I got dressed up for the occasion like it was my big night out for the month. Fake tan was duly applied (This is ok when pregnant I have checked) - Infact when the midwife asked - "any questions for me?" - I do believe that was my first one? 
Closely followed by... "and hair dye?" (This isn't recommended until after 12 weeks, which is good I am now over that period, because my roots are so bad it looks like a huge bird of prey has shit on my head) I met my friend. She kindly complimented me on my appearance and that I was apparently 'blossoming' - but little did she, or anyone else in Costa know, that the maxi dress I wore beneath my jacket was indeed entirely open at the back. Yes that's correct, I was literally hanging together with bits of string! 

It was without doubt the comfiest I have ever been outdoors. It was like being out in my onesie all day! I would recommend it to any soon-to-be mum, although Im well aware that I will shortly have to give in to the inevitable, as my belly continues to expand beyond the point of no return, and I find myself succumbing to the lure of MATERNITY WEAR!!  

Out of sight....out of mind!!!

The one thing I refuse to stop wearing are my heels. I am sure there are people reading this who have either already had a baby or are further gone than me, who will be thinking yeah, yeah, you just wait! 
But my calves are like elephants, built from years and years of training shoe, and flat shoe avoidance (obviously elephants don't wear shoes at all, but you get my meaning). 
My husband was mortified when I packed a case full of heels when we went snowboarding. He may have found that ridiculous when the snow was 6 foot deep, but little does he know, if I could have got away with wearing them on the snowboard I would have! 
I am going to have to be very careful when laid on the hospital bed in all my glory that I don't poke the midwives eyes out with my stilettos. That would be awful! 

When my feet swell up there is always WD40, which apparently fixes anything that won't budge. I'm sure with some lubricant and a bit of gentle persuasion ill get those heels over my ever expanding duck feet (as my husband calls them) GIT!  

In all honesty I am doing nothing to assist my crusade to wear my existing wardrobe for as long as possible. Yes I am eating lots of salad and good stuff, but my oh my, how my baby luuuurrrvvveeesss chocolate and cakes! I can't believe how much baby loves choccy. I am not the type of mum to not listen to my baby's growing needs and so....

Me captured stuffing my face...well if it makes baby happy!!

Regardless of the wardrobe (and my expanding situation), I am going to continue to enjoy my new 'eating for two' diet and my first pregnancy. What will be will be, and as long as I am expanding then there is a healthy baby on board. 

I'd take that over a little black dress anyday!

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